We Need YOU..

This going to be tuff..

This post. September 13th 2025. I’m not sure what to write or say. I’m even writing this right now because my mind cant stop running. As you can see this isn’t the normal start to my posts. Remember this is a blog too. So it can be about whatever.. But right now I need to channel it somewhere. Why? Whats going on you may be wondering? Well I’m going to be as I’ve heard before the phrase HOT. Your like what?! I mean Honest, Open and Transparent. Do I feel like I owe this to anyone? Absolutely not! But I want to just talk if thats ok? This week has been alot for alot of people. My heart and prayers go out to everyone truly. Then today I get a call from my sister around 2pm. Which scared me to be honest. We don’t hardly talk, long story. So I was cooking and just stared at the call! I was literally frozen in place for like 5 rings! Running thru my head all the scenarios for this call. I answered my sisters call….. She had let me know my mother is in the hospital. Finding out that the only part of her brain that is still working and alive is the part that is keeping her breathing. But the breathing is faint and the breaths are very far apart. So to sum it up. She’s in a non recoverable state in any way. Knowing this…..It’s going to be up to me to decide when to say goodbye and know it has to be very soon… Like WHAT!!!!??? I have to decide this??! Can I please just go back to talking to her just yesterday?! PLEASE….

What is keeping me together?

Part of me ponders on this question right now and sometimes I’m like I don’t even know! But I know my mother has had an amazing life. Barbara Lockard lived a great life.. She was married to my father Loyd Lockard for over 40yrs! He passed away last year.. January 14th 2024…. I also actually had a conversation a few weeks ago with her, where she mentioned she’d be happy to go be with Loyd already. She “lived a good life” she said. So I’m trying to focus on that too. Also the best glue I have? Is my heavenly father. I’m so grateful for having the spirit and him in my life. Do I live a perfect Christian life? OMG NO!! But I’ve always known God was true and real down deep. He also thru all my stupidity has been a constant in my life. I’ve had so many near death moments, where after looking back or little signs along my life. Now knowing those moments were him saving me or letting me know he’s there. I hope you’ve noticed those in your life? If not… It’s ok start now. Just start your relationship with Him. Most times though, those moments. They aren’t going to be loud and obvious moments. They are in the subtleties of our days. So we need to make sure we try to stay close to him. So knowing God is with me and catches me when I fall. Knowing that theres so much more ahead. Helps give me any ounce of peace and strength I can get.

To End..

So tomorrow morning I will be driving 8hrs to get there. It cant come fast enough. Theres no airport it’s a small town where I’m from so I can’t fly. I wanted to just be open with someone. I had to I guess, let it out. I feel so outta body right now. I have split second moments where my brain gets distracted enough to forget for a second whats going on, then my brain snaps me back to reality. But I will continue to become a better project. For God and For Me..Even for the people I have and haven’t even met yet. WHY? Because I owe it to them and myself and God to become better. One small slow crawl at a time. But day by day my friends. We push on! Maybe this post was to also confess my faith! Maybe a little bit of a lot of things. I dunno. But who ever may read this. I wish you a great week ahead truly. Stay strong and keep on keeping on!! Some of you may think.. Oh I wouldn’t share this with anyone! Well I feel that the world is lacking REAL. So hey lets get real! I also know we all go thru these same situations or other tuff situations too. How to we get passed them? Well we have to start with being open and honest and transparent right?

Wait there’s more?

Yea so I’m continuing to be HOT remember.. Honest, Open and Transparent! SO I was literally about to hit submit. For all you to see. My phone rings. My loving mother passed away. She was always my biggest cheerleader. So supportive and loving. She had TOO big of a heart i’d say. Now your with dad though. I’m so happy for that.. As my dad would always say ” Keep on Keeping on”. So thats what I need to do right now. So please give me some space to process..

The One and Only Loyd & Barbara Lockard..